By Sarah Johnson/The Parenting Place

My daughter had a Twinkie recently, and the world did not come crashing down around us.

This was kind of a big deal for me because food is a big deal for me. She had never had a Twinkie in her life, and I had no plans for her to start. But that night in the grocery store, she and my husband strolled over with a box of Twinkies (and a bag of Doritos, which secretly made me happy). He thought she should probably experience a Twinkie, and instead of making a scene in Safeway I rolled my eyes and said OK. They were actually kind of giddy.

We didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before the Twinkies were busted open. And then my daughter gave us her pronouncement: “Well, that was disappointing.”

My first thought was, “I told you so,” but I didn’t say that out loud. I realized that saying nothing was the way to go and instead just let her Twinkie moment continue uninterrupted.

She had tasted the forbidden fruit, decided it wasn’t something she needed to do again, and moved on. I had been reminded that Twinkies, like so many things in life, really aren’t as big of a deal as I make them out to be.

Of course, I didn’t really expect that a single incident of sweet, overprocessed junk food would undo years of mostly healthy eating. I just didn’t want to cross that line.

I grew up in a home where just about everything was homemade, and for a while there most things had wheat germ in them. My mom didn’t make a big deal of food, but healthy and wholesome were pretty much a given. I longed for store-bought cookies, even though I actually knew my mom’s yummy home-baked ones were better, so I can relate to my daughter’s interest in Twinkies.

But many of us latch onto some detail that feels really important, essential even, to our definition of personal or parenting success. Maybe it’s a super tidy house, sports achievement, perfect hair and makeup, or a strict bedtime. For me, it’s homemade and healthy food.

The Twinkie incident was the reminder I need every now and then to relax, loosen up, and focus on the big picture. Certain things for me are non-negotiable, for example: You must wear your seatbelt in the car and your helmet on your bike. You may not be a bully.

Sometimes, though, it’s OK to let your house get a little messy, take a break from training, go to the mall in your sweats and no makeup, stay up late or, yes, eat a Twinkie. Lots of priorities have some grey area. If something is important to you, stick to it most of the time but don’t freak out if you “break the rules” occasionally. There might even be a lesson to be found in there for you or for your kids.

In the case of the Twinkies, I was reminded to let my child experience life and make up her own mind, and she had a taste of the fact that what you don’t or can’t have isn’t always better.

Lately, though, she’s been eyeing the Little Debbie Swiss Cake rolls, and this worries me. Because if I remember correctly, those things are pretty darn good.

Sarah Johnson is a mother and coordinator of The Parenting Place. She is also a member of the Healthy Mesa County parenting action team. Read her every other Thursday on HealthyMesaCounty.org.